Avatarded

I know, I know, joining in with the ‘I watched Avatar’ brigade after everyone and their uncle’s dandruff has re-watched it thrice as much as their monthly pay would allow them seems *kinda* retarded right now. Also, Avatar-bashing has now replaced Avatar-awe. Everyone is pleasantly ignoring the visual masturbation extravaganza that the movie was and now suddenly, the plot is God. In the land of Bollywood, seriously? Do we even dare try?

Pictured: An Avatard

Ah, what the heck… We do. And as an extension of that corollary, so do I.
Here are a few things that I found to be, uh, rather inconsistent, in the Cameronfest of the last decade:

#1. Everone seems to be making the Na’vi-Smurf corelation. But we can’t blame the commies for everything, now can we? Surprisingly no one made a what would be very pivotal claim at JC ripping off another popular character from fiction.
Riddle me this, comic-book nerds: What has blue skin, bright eyes, pointy ears and a tail?
Answer: Yes, James Fucking Cameron made a planet filled with fucking Night-Crawlers from fucking X-Men. Yes.
So before I go any further, I call dibs on this fact. Thank you.

Another reason why Pandora's box shouldn't be opened.

Also…

...for good measure.

#2. When Uhura’s mom, the all-knowing chief clanslady of the Na’vi meets Jake Sully (Worthington) for the first time she asks him his name. Worthington delivers a very Australian “Jake Sully”. The clanslady without a second to waste, decides to pronounce his name as Jake Soolee. And right there, the goof-meter goes ‘TILT!’
Why? Uhura’s mom didn’t read out Sully’s name, she frickin’ heard it. So she couldn’t possibly have made a word-to-spelling connection AND then mispronounce it.
But then Cameron just HAD to add the ethnic-alien-can’t-pronounce-for-his/her-life shtick. Nice going, Mr. Sensitive Liberal.

Also, Boofy is slightly pissed.

#3. Maybe it’s just me but a $300 million production budget and bright-yellow Papyrus font DO NOT MIX. It was a tardy move. It totally negated the godly VFX whenever it showed up on screen.

Yes. Annoying is correct.

#4. Come nightfall (Somewhere Beavis and Butthead just sniggered), the whole of Pandora turns into this acid-trip nightclub with neon-trees and fluoroscent pitcher plants.

Waitaminute.

I have no qualms with that one. Move along.

Or 'Grooooove' along. Your choice.

#5. No offence, James C, but with New Zealand as a shooting location and with a budget that can clear all debts in Africa, we were sort of hoping to watch an LOTR scale epic. So, yeah. There.

Word.

#6. Also, what’s with an extremly rare mineral called ‘unobtainium’ and a lethal planet with unexpected horrors called ‘pandora’? I don’t get it at all. At all. What are the references behind those names? Are they obvious enough for a dead rat foetus to understand? Are they? WHY DOESN’T ANYONE TELL ME ANTHING?

What does this picture mean?

Okay, I’m done. Nowthankyoubyethanksforreadingandbythewayreadingtextcrampeduplikethiscancauseamajorsquintinyoureye.

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4 Responses to “Avatarded”

  1. A) Avatar has 2 sequels planned already. The idea was a trilogy, but couldn’t be shot because there was no more money left.

    B) It was almost as good as LOTR.

    C) Star Wars is awesome and has no concievable awesome story line.

    D) She had to pronounce it Jake Sooly because she was reading the sub-titles

    Over and out

  2. Glad to know someone else picked up on the Soolee thing. They’ve got, I would guess, linguists to help create a fictitious language. They couldn’t put 2c in on Soolee??

  3. Sourabh Biswas Says:

    Read a couple of posts and dude, can you write! Hard to come by blogs of your type (or maybe I haven’t seen in the right places.)

    I was one guy who watched it twice, but only because a mate of mine offered to pay for my tickets. The second time though made me scrutinize each and every aspect of the movie, and to conclude I will say the Alien-fuck part really pissed me off. Highly realistic it was, only thing it looked straight ripped out of those 3-d animation porns you see on the polluting its sanctimonious premises.

    Cameron seems to have a fetish, huh? 🙂

    • @ HR
      I know, right?

      @ Sourabh
      For one I’ll say that JC has a USB cord fetish. How else do you explain an interconnected grid of biology…
      Thanks for the comment!

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