Beeper Madness

This is something I whipped up for a fake-ad event that my friend was participating in, but then the event shitstormed and the photoshopped materials remained as useless as the titular head of a country.


But hey, one man’s uneaten table-scraps are another’s blog posts. So without further ado, I give to you: ‘The Creep-Beep!™’

Nay, you lie! Table-scraps are never this pink!

The Creep-Beep!™ is a quasi-futuristic, creep detecting device for women. Or any human being constantly gawked at by the opposite sex so as to lead to uncomfortability and a lingering fear of the outcome. So basically, it’s for women. It’s also pink.

Also, it has a few handy presets that enable it to single out creeps/ goons/ wife-beaters/ Arindam Chaudharis.
Some of them being:
1. Any one who quotes from Sooraj Barjatya movies.
2. Any one who wears a Popeye T-Shirt. (Pulled-up collars to these variants are an added fail.)
3. Man-nipples. ‘Nuff Said.
4. Anyone who’s lonely enough to listen to his polyphonic ringtones in public.
5. Anyone vocal about his political connections.
6. Anyone who has a history of attending tapings of Sa-Re-Ga-Ma-Pa Li’l Champs.
7. Anyone with a fake accent.
8. Anyone with a fake Hyundai Accent.
9. Anyone who still Orkuts.
10. Anyone who has ‘Give me some sunshine’ from 3 Idiots as their ringtone.

Pictured: The man of your dreams.

Also, pick up lines that Creep Beep™ watches out for:
1. “Trust me, dowry can be fun…”
2. “It’s like… It’s like me and Salman have this… this connection!”
3. “I was *this* close to being one of the contestants for Rakhi Ka Swayamvar.”

And for such magical moments, Creep Beep™ has THIS to offer.

Shock and awe, ladies and gentlemen.

And because, we’re such enterprising people, Creep Beep™ comes with a special Creep Beep 2.0™ USB external plug-in. It not only filters out all creepy frandship requests and people over 40, but Farmville/ Mafia Wars/ Fishville/ Save the Arctic Whale/ ‘If 1 million people join this group then…’ requests. Call now and you get a pink nose-hair clipper FREE! (Works with black nose-hair too.)

Notice the lack of Orkut in the logos placed.

But yet, like all things pink, Creep Beep™ too has its vulnerabilities.
It’s colloquially refered to as Delhi.
Turns out, a creep detector is failed logic in a place where the favourite pick-up line is “Madam, mera Qutub Minar dekhogi toh Connaught Circus khadi ho jayegi.”

Apparently, every Delhite owns one of these.

So yeah, I made a few fake ads on the fake product too. With fake photoshop. Actually, that was real. So it was faux-fake.

I am confused.

Moving on, here’s the ad:

THe ad is a cross between that of a sanitary pad and a PSA on 'Don't leave your stove running.'

And an instruction manual. Of sorts.

Pretty deep stuff, eh?

And of course, what fake product is complete without the horrendously photoshopped ‘features’ list:

I like Steve Buscemi as an actor. As an actor.

Thank you. Do leave a tip.


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11 Responses to “Beeper Madness”

  1. dude the “every delhiite has one of these” had me in splits (and no i was not practising power yoga)
    pink nose hair clipper ??? where do you get all that from ???
    i bow down to you LORD UTSA

  2. Where do you come up with such stuff ?

  3. bro does it have a “detect chetan bhagat and his mad followers/fans” functionality….if not then it should

  4. You’re good mate!you’re really really good!

  5. Really man..
    Asian sky shop needs too showcase this.. 🙂
    Loved reading your post 🙂

  6. Someone Is Special Says:

    This is wonderful stuff.. sure.. I loved reading this wonderful post.. Lovely images.. All the best for the contest..

    Do stop by Wrong Call and let me know what you feel 🙂

    –Someone is Special–

  7. You are crazy. I love it!

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