It’s Pep. See?

If you’ve been watching this obscure, neverheardof, local spectacle called the IPL, you have surely not missed glimpses of Ranbir Kapoor trying to score Pepsi off supermarkets, dictatators and the like. The current malady he faces is a guild of supervillains challenging him to steal Pepsi from right beneath their noses. Like every guild of supervillains, this one has a boss villian a la Lex Luthor/ Bullaa – only it’s Sanjay Dutt in a giant, red, lobster suit.

Are ya ready kids?

And also, like every supervillain franchise, they have these Rube-Goldberg-ish contraptions that lead the hero to possible peril. In the current ad, dunking the protagonist in water making room for a Houdini-esque escape seems to be the peril in vogue. But does Mr. Krabs… er… The Game Master not know that all of Bollywood can breath underwater? Tch. Tch. Such a shame, no?

Pictured: A typical monday at Film City, Goregaon.

Here are some idiot-proof ideas that Supervillain Inc. can use to challenge unsuspecting heroes and make them accept their grim, Pepsi-less fate…
1. Challenge them not watch the IPL finals. (No, not even repeats).
2. Challenge them to find a hit, Indipop song that is not lifted from an Indonesian one.
3. Challenge them to sit on Facebook the whole day and not take any quizzes, comment on/ ‘like’ any post, join any communities, use FB chat, play any of the ‘…ville’ games and most definitely not poke/ superpoke anyone. Death is imminent, I tell you.
4. Challenge them to staring contest with a mirror. Whoever blinks first, loses.
5. Challenge them to eat raw bhindi with grated worms on top while making them watch a Hindi news channel. The grated worms would eventually be the least of his concerns.
6. Challenge them to a ‘who passes the largest kidney stone, the fastest’ contest.
7. Challenge them to read my blog and not end up deep frying their eyeballs in despair.
8. Challenge them to make people stop trending to #JustinBieber.
9. Challenge them to a lifetime of watching Rick Roll videos over and over again.

There.

P.S: Comment here and your babies will be born fire-proof. Trust me on this one.