Achtung, baby!
There are things that I absolutely despise in the world.
Mediocrity. People who write poems about ‘love’. The umpteenth BMM movie about ‘the fast-paced life in Mumbai’ with the song ‘Bombay Meri jaan’ looping in the background. ‘Guys’ who write poems. ‘Guys’ who read Twilight to show girls their ‘sensitive side’. Faux activism. People who take and post photographs on Facebook every time they go to a fucking mall. Chetan Bhagat fans. People who use forwarded jokes as their blog posts. Chetan Bhagat. Movies starring Akshay Kumar. Akshay Kumar. Brown-nosing teacher’s pets. Every American Pie sequel post the third one and everyone who likes those ball-searingly, godawful movies. People with unimportant/ unfunny/ pseudo-philosophical/ bland/ monosyllabic/ grammatically incorrect status messages and/ or tweets (I mean YOU: “LOL!!! Sleeeepy…gng to beddd”). Chetan Bhagat. People who hug each other for no apparent reason. Cats. Bhindi. Tiny TV/ Nick Jr. Reservations. Japanese Anime. The complete lack of winter in Mumbai. And lastly, Chetan Fucking Bhagat.
Thanks to Chetan Bhagat, I now judge people by their affinity towards Chetan Bhagat’s books. That’s a very nice yardstick for one to start a personal apartheid with, if you ask me. His Wikipedia entry, which is obviously written by him states: “His articles are written in simple English to achieve mass appeal.” Of course they are. They are also written in simple English because that’s THE ONLY KIND HE KNOWS.
I know I’m giving this publicity hogzilla more attention through this blog but it had to get it off my chest.
I mean he’s such a bad writer – his plots are more simplistic and banal than Samajwadi Party manifestos, his books are less proofread than LOLcats, his tweets are to grammar what the Nithari murders are to kids and his very existence in the literary field is a disaster far worse than any Hello or a Sohail Khan starrer can ever ravage.
Also, subtlety totally goes out of the door with Chetan Bhagat. Subtlety to this guy means loud covers with bad graphics and large type-fonts.
Now with the ‘3 Idiots’ charade, the Jungian archetype of mediocrity can now have his share of good/ bad/ ugly publicity. His fans, in the meanwhile, will try to evade evolutionary constraints by trying to count till seven.
January 3, 2010 at 8:59 pm
I love this. Tell me if you going to meet chetan with a rifle someday…. the cartridge is on me!
January 3, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Rifle? Call me old-fashioned, but I’m more of a ‘molotov and machete’ guy. π
January 3, 2010 at 10:02 pm
Oh, just to be clear, you’re a Chetan Bhagat fan too?
January 3, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Oh, just to be clear, youβre a Chetan Bhagat fan too?
What’s wrong with anime though?
January 4, 2010 at 12:38 am
Damnit! It HAD to surface.
What gives, though?
January 4, 2010 at 12:41 am
What’s wrong with anime? I don’t know, call me cartoon-racist but they all look the same. Also, they have a lot of uncalled boy-man love in their storylines.
Also, I’m not that much a hentai guy.
January 4, 2010 at 12:33 pm
This is brilliant stuff. Chetan Faggot haters unite!
January 4, 2010 at 2:51 pm
@ Karan
Chetan Faggot. Wow.
Dude, you’re good at this… π
January 6, 2010 at 7:50 pm
Chetan Bhag Hat
seriously he is given such attention which he in no way deserves
his books are shit
dont have any idea as to why are they even published
January 6, 2010 at 8:42 pm
@ Chani
Chetan Bhag-Hat, hahahaha!
I like. π
January 10, 2010 at 2:39 am
CB’s novels truly suck….unrealistc, filmy, preachy and smtimes over the top ….also steer clear of hs thrd novel….’The 3 mistakes of my life’………..ugghhhh
January 18, 2010 at 12:30 am
“Thanks to Chetan Bhagat, I now judge people by their affinity towards Chetan Bhagatβs books.”
Ditto. Which makes it especially difficult for me as I stay in a hostel where everyone thinks that “Chetan Bhagat is a really good writer, no? I’ve read allll his books”.
I despise almost everything you mentioned. Except cats.
anywaz me gnggg to sleeepp nw. gdniteee!
π
April 20, 2010 at 12:26 am
Well said sir, well said. I agree with every word π
October 15, 2010 at 5:26 pm
Hahaha! Just saw this… Thanks, man!
May 4, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Ha ha …
You truly replicated the sentiments of anybody-with-an-IQ more than 70..
Good post…
Cheers,
Sachin
May 4, 2010 at 2:42 pm
Get Ready for #ChetanBlocks…. π
July 9, 2010 at 9:42 pm
I was directed here by @satan_bhagat. Need I say more π
July 10, 2010 at 11:49 pm
Wow. I’m flattered. I guess.
Either ways, thanks for dropping by…
October 25, 2010 at 3:58 am
http://www.bloggerabhilash.info/
Jus have a look.Claims himself to be the second best blogger in India.bhahahahahaha
November 9, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Chanced upon your blog. Awesome! π
C-Bag (As he is popularly called) has gone over the top these days, trying to clean up India π
Keep at it! subscribing now.
November 10, 2010 at 8:33 am
I thank ye, sire! Read your post on C-Bag too. Respect, brotha!
April 13, 2011 at 5:34 pm
You forgot Gossip Girl. And every BMM prof who says they course will only give you as much as you’re willing to put into it.
Oh also, hostel wardens with fat and ugly cats , and worse gujju accents.
April 13, 2011 at 5:35 pm
the*
October 12, 2011 at 6:18 am
You have given me a new lease of life. Thank you.
December 3, 2011 at 1:40 am
I also cure cancer if you’re interested.
October 12, 2011 at 6:27 am
PS: Also, that other blog link someone posted is super awesome. Quick fix for a bad day is a blog that is funny when it doesn’t mean to be (where people still talk about “orkut-ing” and stalking beautiful girls online without realising how creepy that is. NoT tO MeNtIon RanDom CaPiTaliZation). Yeah, I haven’t been entertained in a while.